Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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