the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
