every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
