A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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