dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
