Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
