you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
