i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
