miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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