Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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