Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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