All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
