how can u be prego again
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
pray to the hookup gods
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
