I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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