Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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