"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
