I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
