I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
