Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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