he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
