Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
