He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
