why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
