he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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