No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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