Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'd cum for enchiladas.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
