Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
