dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
