FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
