someone owes me an orgasm
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
