So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
