Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
