pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
