What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
