oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
