Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
