how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
