if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
