in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i think my cat just said my name.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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