ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
