you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
