That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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