I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
