it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
