I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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