I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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