ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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