please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
