you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
