i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
