The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
