I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
