Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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