My first STD was from a foam party
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
