Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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